10 top tips to improving relationships with our elderly parents

As Africans we adore and respect our families as a tradition and with the trend of modernization we are stuck with generations trying to figure it all out. The older generation is still grappling with now empty homes, physical and economic demands and our generation enjoying the present while yearning for a better life, caught up with longer working hours, lesser incomes and a whole lot. Then there’s Dad and Mum needing attention every now and then!

Let’s be real! Caring for our elderly parents can rob you of time, money and a whole lot more of sacrifices. Sometimes these sacrifices can create tides of bitterness, pain, regret and ill will in an unending cycle creating conflicts that fester. But it should not be so! Seeing a smile on your parents face is refreshing if you know what I mean.<|--more-->


I had a chat with my parents some time ago and realized how unaware I was about their needs and expectations! I had thought I knew something, well I knew some things but to them what ranked highest I had little idea of. So I used some of what I learnt from them as ingredients to come up with my 10 top tips to improving care for our elderly parents.

1.       Call often ... even daily

Even if it’s just to know how they are doing, have they eaten and all, this brings joy to them I tell you.

2.       Visit often and regularly

Elderly parents deal with the fact that the once full house is just left to two occupants or one, loneliness creeps in and can be depressing, regular visits cheers them up, makes the home alive and brightens up their mood!

3.       Value what matters to them no matter how trivial it seems

Yes yes and yes again! It may be your presence at an event, the kind of socks dad needs, or even some old time gist they want to relive.

4.       Remember important dates

Don’t forget birthdays, anniversaries, if Anglican*winks* all them mothers Sunday, fathers Sunday etc. if you can; be there physically, if not celebrate from the distance.

5.       Send a regular upkeep fund even if they are still earning

You may not have millions to splash on them, and don’t wait till you have. A little fund for their upkeep, take up the water bill or light bill. They can look back and say “aha my child paid for that!”

6.       Accompany them for routine health checks and know their doctors

There are many medical conditions associated with aging from back pain to chronic illnesses such as diabetes and hypertension. There’s a joy that I see in an elderly parent who walks into my consulting room with his child. You should know their physicians and have their numbers too in case of emergencies too!

      7.      Surprise them with gifts no matter how little

Now you may not have all the funds to buy a car and mansion for them, but no matter how little please surprise them with gifts example diaries, calendars , foodstuff, if on special diets as with diabetics provide them too

8.       Plan a vacation for them

Now this doesn’t happen every day, but plan a vacation for them. Siblings can team up to execute this too, to lighten the financial burden.

9.       Always celebrate them

If you are ashamed to identify with your parents in public…then you have a problem I tell you. It means you have failed as a child. Identify with your parents everywhere, celebrate them, they gave you the platform to stand!

10.   Pray for and with them

Pray for their wellbeing, I can write a whole article on prayer! Also if there has been hurt and ill feeling between you and them or one of them, pray. God mends the broken hearted and He can and will heal the relationship once you allow Him to.

Well folks the list isn’t in any way exhaustive. I have always maintained that crisis occurs in relationships due to unmet expectations. They expect this, you expect that, when unmet…problems erupt! Please always remember that it is the little things that matter most to them, and don’t try to outdo yourself lest you burn out.

 I sincerely hope that my top 10 tips help and go a long long way in strengthening our family relationships and uniting our bond! For everyone; parent or child that reads and says “Dr Chika God bless you!” I say a loud AMEN!!!*smiles*

As usual I enjoin you to comment freely, let’s hear your additions to this list and your experiences too.  Also share with others on any platform!

See you later

Dr Chika Ehiemere